[ Oh no. That must have been a very awkward day for Jiang Yanli, to be so worried for her brothers and come across both of them so indisposed. ]
It may have been the same person who also stumbled on Jiang Wanyin and I. There was a period of time in which we lost ourselves.
[ He imagines Wangji can assume what might have happened during that time - particularly given their previous conversation, despite that at the time, Lan Xichen did genuinely believe things would not escalate in such a way. ]
[ He raises his brow, and then looks down and smiles, just a little. His cheeks flush just the barest pink. ]
In this regard, we are similar.
[ He's definitely mentally giving Xichen a little bit of shit for choosing not only another Yunmeng boy, but his brother-in-law technically. He supposes he shouldn't say anything, those brash boys from Lotus Pier really are something else, huh?
But that does beg the question, because he had thought Xiongzhang's heart had selected Jin Guangyao. And, while this is honestly a relief, he just hopes it isn't Lan Xichen trying to atone by attempting to move on in destructive ways. ]
[ Twin Jades indeed. He accepts what Wangji does not say but is almost certainly thinking with a little bit of a sheepish smile - there certainly is something about those Yunmeng boys.
He swallows at the question about Jin Guangyao, however, though he's unsurprised at it. It takes him a moment to reply, to gather his thoughts enough to put to words what he has only felt with his heart. ]
I have understood for a very long time that what I wished for with Jin Guangyao was not something he could accept, nor was it something I could truly give. The depth of my regard for him does not change that.
[ The realities of their positions, of their lives, always came first - Meng Yao held an important position with the Nie and could not stay in Cloud Recesses with the other disciples; Lan Xichen had to be at the front lines and could not stay with Meng Yao; Jin Guangyao had a precarious family position to foster and could not come back with him to Gusu; Jin Guangyao was to be married, to have a life that could never be entwined with the Lan Sect Leader. Even before Jin Guangyao's crimes were revealed, he had known what could be between them, and what could not.
Lan Xichen has always understood that those he loved only ever wanted pieces of him, that even if he did not have responsibilities to his sect, even if he wouldn't always put them first, even if he truly belonged to himself to be able to give everything he had to someone else - those he loved couldn't accept it.
Perhaps that was his way of trying not to become like their father. He could never be lost to his devotion, if he loved more than once, and if no one wanted all of him. ]
Nor does having him back, at the hotel or here. It was inadvisable for me to pretend otherwise.
[ He listens to all this, and feels his heart break for his gege. He doesn't like Jin Guangyao, of course, and held no feelings for Meng Yao either way, but he had mostly just wanted his Xiongzhang to be happy. He'd gotten a second chance, and Xiongzhang deserved one, if not Jin Guangyao.
He does hope that the budding romance here is one that lasts, for Xichen's sake. He knows that his brother, like all Lans, tends to love deeply, but also never wants to burden those around him, especially not those he loves.
Lan Wangji gives a curt nod in understanding. ]
Xiongzhang.
[ He doesn't have any advice to give here because he doesn't know it. His heart has only ever belonged to Wei Ying, and it died with Wei Ying and resurrected with him as well. Instead, he says: ]
I will support you. No matter what you wish.
[ There's no but, there's no continuation. That's the whole statement. But, moving forward, he asks: ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ He shakes his head. ]
I found him in the woods.
...
...
I thought you had stumbled upon us.
[ Someone had left Wei Ying's phone where it hadn't been earlier, since he'd dropped it. So then, if that wasn't Lan Xichen, who was it?
Well, the list of people dwindles and he tries not to think of who else might have politely offered Wei Ying's phone and then skedaddled. ]
no subject
Ah. No, I did not.
[ Oh no. That must have been a very awkward day for Jiang Yanli, to be so worried for her brothers and come across both of them so indisposed. ]
It may have been the same person who also stumbled on Jiang Wanyin and I. There was a period of time in which we lost ourselves.
[ He imagines Wangji can assume what might have happened during that time - particularly given their previous conversation, despite that at the time, Lan Xichen did genuinely believe things would not escalate in such a way. ]
no subject
In this regard, we are similar.
[ He's definitely mentally giving Xichen a little bit of shit for choosing not only another Yunmeng boy, but his brother-in-law technically. He supposes he shouldn't say anything, those brash boys from Lotus Pier really are something else, huh?
But that does beg the question, because he had thought Xiongzhang's heart had selected Jin Guangyao. And, while this is honestly a relief, he just hopes it isn't Lan Xichen trying to atone by attempting to move on in destructive ways. ]
What of Jin Guangyao?
no subject
Yes, I suppose we are.
[ Twin Jades indeed. He accepts what Wangji does not say but is almost certainly thinking with a little bit of a sheepish smile - there certainly is something about those Yunmeng boys.
He swallows at the question about Jin Guangyao, however, though he's unsurprised at it. It takes him a moment to reply, to gather his thoughts enough to put to words what he has only felt with his heart. ]
I have understood for a very long time that what I wished for with Jin Guangyao was not something he could accept, nor was it something I could truly give. The depth of my regard for him does not change that.
[ The realities of their positions, of their lives, always came first - Meng Yao held an important position with the Nie and could not stay in Cloud Recesses with the other disciples; Lan Xichen had to be at the front lines and could not stay with Meng Yao; Jin Guangyao had a precarious family position to foster and could not come back with him to Gusu; Jin Guangyao was to be married, to have a life that could never be entwined with the Lan Sect Leader. Even before Jin Guangyao's crimes were revealed, he had known what could be between them, and what could not.
Lan Xichen has always understood that those he loved only ever wanted pieces of him, that even if he did not have responsibilities to his sect, even if he wouldn't always put them first, even if he truly belonged to himself to be able to give everything he had to someone else - those he loved couldn't accept it.
Perhaps that was his way of trying not to become like their father. He could never be lost to his devotion, if he loved more than once, and if no one wanted all of him. ]
Nor does having him back, at the hotel or here. It was inadvisable for me to pretend otherwise.
no subject
He does hope that the budding romance here is one that lasts, for Xichen's sake. He knows that his brother, like all Lans, tends to love deeply, but also never wants to burden those around him, especially not those he loves.
Lan Wangji gives a curt nod in understanding. ]
Xiongzhang.
[ He doesn't have any advice to give here because he doesn't know it. His heart has only ever belonged to Wei Ying, and it died with Wei Ying and resurrected with him as well. Instead, he says: ]
I will support you. No matter what you wish.
[ There's no but, there's no continuation. That's the whole statement. But, moving forward, he asks: ]
Has Jiang Wanyin spoken to Dagu?